You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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