Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
don't judge my taste in strippers
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
