I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
