Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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