I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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