I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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