My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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