I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
