he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
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He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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