This is not my ceiling
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
