I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
