ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
