12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
