She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
