You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
