I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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