Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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