Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
