I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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