Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
