I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
