Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
