no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
