I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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