We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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