Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
