I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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