Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
