I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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