i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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