Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and you said cock pushups were impossible
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
