I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
