I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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