there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
