Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
