Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
