dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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