When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
