There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
