I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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