Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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