she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
