So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
