I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
