Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
