I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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