mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
