were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize