At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
