i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
