:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize