I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
