you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
