saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
