just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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