I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
