i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
