why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
