I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Two words: nipple clamps
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