why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
