Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
