Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
