We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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