My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
time to smoke my breakfast
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
