Don't you send me to vm
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
