I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
