wakey wakey hands off snakey
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Come on in and take your pants off
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