i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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