Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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