Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
