I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
