Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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