can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize