sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
