He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
