Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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