No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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