I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
