2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
