she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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