Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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