so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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